Author: system

新手媽媽身心俱疲 丈夫簡單兩招幫手舒緩情緒

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撰文：姚怡超中醫師

要建立健康快樂的家庭並不容易，先說當母親的，由懷胎十月開始，準媽媽就要面對內外的變化如外形、體重和生理，甚至心理情緒。首次懷孕的準媽媽，心情和精神就更為緊張。此外，壓力還可能來自身邊的伴侶和家人。筆者見過一些懷第二胎的母親，因為緊急孩子性別而過分擔心。其實孩子是上天所賜的禮物，我們應放開懷抱，順從天意，家人亦應該給予支持。話雖如此，產後抑鬱的個案實在很多，故筆者會從中醫角度與大家分享一下治療產後抑鬱的方法。

產前產後受氣鬱、血鬱困憂

中醫的鬱症分為六種：氣鬱、血鬱、痰鬱、濕鬱、熱鬱及食鬱。產後抑鬱頗為複雜，以氣鬱和血鬱多見。中醫理論「邪氣所傷，正氣必虛」，懷孕期的準媽媽身體要為嬰兒付出很多的營養物質和血液，加上生產過程的疼痛、耗氣及失血，令媽媽身體元氣大傷。

 

及後，媽媽因為忙於照顧嬰孩令體能透支，加上惡露不清，瘀血不盡，令臟腑失於平衡。此時，媽媽開始感到體弱無力、頭暈頭痛、少腹疼痛、煩燥不安及失眠等症狀，甚至影響哺乳分泌，譬如奶水不通或乳汁少等。在這情況下，媽媽會感到氣餒，情緒進一步受到影響，易怒易哭，產生失落和空虛感。這些都是產後抑鬱的病徵。

舒緩緊張情緒小提示

其實產後抑鬱是可以避免的，無論是中或西醫，都有很好的治療效果，所以各位媽媽千萬不要忌諱疾醫，若開始發覺不妥便應尋求幫助。要防止抑鬱，媽媽產前產後也要有規律的作息，加上食療和適量的運動，便可保持身心舒暢。

在家中，丈夫可替太太進行一些簡單的穴位按摩，幫助舒緩太太的緊張情緒：

  1. 加速心肺功能，幫助放鬆心情
    雙手對握輕輕摩擦，刺激雙手大拇指下的魚際穴和手掌中央的勞宮穴，又或用拇指按壓這兩個穴道數分鐘。
  2. 減輕頭部脹痛
    將雙手的拇指和中指對按著雙側太陽穴，一收一放地上下輕輕轉動數分鐘，便可減輕頭的脹痛感。

無論懷孕與否，丈夫替太太按摩都可增進夫婦間的感情，令家庭變得更溫馨和諧。如果身邊有朋友將為人母，大家記得好好鼓勵對方，分享自己的經驗，這對準媽媽也有幫助呢！

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Drawings peek into the inner world of children

Written by：Unleashing Mind  Professional  Counselling Academy   

                       Psychotherapist  Lee Wai-Tong

Painting can give us room to express our feelings. I use a brush to create a dialogue with myself in another language, soothing my emotions or gaining insight and unlocking my heart.

Crying over trivial stuff

In my past child counseling sessions, some parents came to me for help. They did not understand why their son, Ming, often cried over trivial things, such as being late for TV, late for dinner, or when his father came home late, etc. They mentioned the situation to Ming, but they did not understand why, which caused them trouble. Therefore, I suggested conducting a drawing assessment for Ming to understand the environment in which Ming grows up in his mind, which may help to understand the reason why Ming loves to cry.

A peek into the inner world through paintings

Later, I met with Ming’s parents again. They never imagined that the quarrel in front of Ming was deeply engraved in their son’s heart. In addition, the father also found that his tiredness after work affected the quality of parent-child interaction. In this regard, I taught the father some relaxation methods and suggested setting up a “calm zone” at home to give everyone a space to relieve their emotions, and the parents promised to avoid arguing in front of Ming.

A month later, Ming no longer cried over trivial matters and the parent-child relationship was better than before. Painting can reflect children’s inner world view. In the process of creation, children project their inner world intentionally or unintentionally, so that we can understand their inner world and help them grow up healthily.

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The more mischievous a child is, the more vulnerable he or she is?

By: Family Dynamics Counseling Psychologist

　    Shelly Mok

There is a famous picture book called “Little Mao Gets Into Trouble” in which the main character, Little Mao, often makes mistakes and gets into trouble. Whenever he gets into trouble, he always says loudly, “It’s not my fault,” “It’s not my fault,” “It was an accident,” or “It’s xxx’s fault,” and so on.

In reality, a child named Sheung Kit came to my counseling room to play therapy, and his personality was very much like Little Mao. To the class teacher and his parents, Sheung Kit was a child who “shirked his responsibility and refused to admit his fault”.

Once, after we had started play therapy for a while, he was playing with an ambulance in the playroom and accidentally broke the flashing light on the ambulance. Before I could say anything, Sheung Kit did his usual thing and said loudly, “It’s not my fault! and “I didn’t break it! After a while, I slowly said to him, “When toys are played with for a long time, they will be broken. When children are having fun, sometimes they will accidentally 

Sheung Kit didn’t say a word, looking down and playing quietly with other cars. After a while, he suddenly said to himself in a voice I had never heard before, very weak, “If it was the director of discipline, it would not have said so …… If it was the principal, it would not have said so. If it was mom ……” “Just now …… was I …… accidentally …… Sheung Kit’s voice was as weak as a mosquito.

What does it say about a child whose voice was so loud just now and suddenly becomes so weak?

In fact, his voice is used to cover up his inner fears, insecurities, frustrations and low self-image. However, even though he knows he is wrong, he is unable to take responsibility for his actions because he is afraid and cannot bear the condemnation from others. As the saying goes, “A person with a broken mouth should not have a broken bowl”. It means that you should not mention people’s weaknesses to avoid their displeasure. In order to maintain his dignity, he makes the first move and fights back to defend himself, but the result is more punishment and reprimand, leading to an even lower self-image and a vicious cycle.

The more mischievous a child is on the surface, the more vulnerable he or she is on the inside. In the end, Sheung Kit, like Little Mao, only hopes that after he makes a mistake, his mother will still hug him and say, “Mommy loves you! With this acceptance, the child can regain his courage, say “I’m sorry” sincerely, and take responsibility for his own actions and life. No wonder the Little Mao series of books have been so popular with children!

As parents, they should have nothing against somebody. Accepting your child’s deviant behavior and setting boundaries is also an art.

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3 big tricks to let young children know the emotions & improve their social skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Mother, Miss Carley

Since children are only about two or three years old, their knowledge of the world will become deeper and deeper, teaching them to understand emotions can help them express their feelings and encourage them to put themselves in the position of understanding the feelings of others, thereby enhancing their social skills.

Tip 1: Parents and children watch cartoons together

Parents can watch more cartoons with their children. Often, the expressions of the characters in these cartoons are exaggerated so that children can identify the emotions and feelings of the characters and ask them about their reasons and solutions. Parents and children watching stories and the storytelling process, in fact, can also ask children to replace the characters in the story and think about what they feel.

For example, in the story of the three little pigs, parents can ask their children, “If you are a little pig and your house is blown down, how would you feel?” If you were the big pig and your house was not blown down, how would you feel? This allows them to put themselves in other people’s shoes more often.

Tip 2: Put yourself in their shoes

In daily life, parents can also try to grasp the opportunity to let their children know that their behavior will affect the feelings of others. For example, when a child does something bad or misbehaves, ask him, “What do you think about mommy’s emotions right now? It turns out that mommy is angry, so they know that their behaviors affect others.

Tip 3: Ask your child to keep a diary of daily events

Parents can also try to ask their children to draw or write down the events of each day in a diary, and how they feel about themselves or others, to deepen their emotional awareness.

Further, parents can teach their children that there are different levels of feelings and emotions.

For example, happy can be a little happy, very happy, or super happy. Parents can also play simple games with their children, such as asking them at a theme park, “Are you a little happy, very happy, or super happy?”

If you are a little happy, take one step; if you are very happy, take two steps; and if you are super happy, take three steps. Let the children know more about these emotions.

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How can eating habits make your child’s skin healthier?

How can eating habits make your child's skin healthier?

Source: Registered Dietitian (Public Health) (UK), Ng Pui-Yu

 

Many kids have dry skin or even eczema, and their parents work hard to find the right moisturizers and other skin care products for them. In fact, in addition to topical skincare products, we should also pay attention to children’s diets. The most direct way, of course, is to drink more water. How much water should be drunk?

In fact, our body’s need for water is deeply influenced by the weather. For example, in dry weather, we need more water, as well as to account for children’s activity levels and how much they sweat. The water content in food also affects their need for water. If a child urinates every 3 to 4 hours and the urine is light yellow with no strong odor and the stool is not very hard and does not cause difficulty during bowel movements, it usually means that their water intake is sufficient.

For children aged 2 to 5, they need about 4 to 5 cups of fluid a day, and water should be the main source. Unsaturated fatty acids, like omega-3, are also important for maintaining the integrity of cell membranes, which keep harmful substances out and keep the skin moist and flexible. Omega-3 fatty acids can also help calm immune responses that are too strong in people with skin allergies or eczema.

We should also avoid certain foods, such as candies, cookies, and white bread, which are refined foods. Instead, we should choose low-glycemic index foods, such as brown rice and whole wheat bread, which are important for controlling sensitive conditions. Antioxidants, including common vitamins A, C, and E, are also important and can be found in fruits, vegetables, and nuts of different colors, making them great sources of antioxidants.

In summary, to have healthy skin, in addition to having enough water, you should eat high-fat fish such as salmon or yellow croaker twice a week. You can also replace some cookies and candy with plain nuts, fruits, and so on, and it is ideal to eat a variety of vegetables and fruits.

 

By the way, if a child’s chewing ability is not well developed, there is a chance of choking when eating nuts. Therefore, we should choose some smaller nuts, such as pine nuts, which are also a good option.

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How do parents show love to their children?

How do parents show love to their children?

Source: Parenting Education Specialist, Ken Sir

Parents may worry that expressing too much love to their children will spoil them and therefore do not know how to express love to them. Generally speaking, Chinese are more introverted and often dare not express their love. Especially when you originally wanted to express that you were very worried about your child, it often turns into another attitude.

Once, I saw a mother and her child get lost in Shatin and then reunite. What was the mother’s behavior like after the reunion? She grabbed the child’s hand and hit him while saying, “I couldn’t find you earlier; do you know how scared I was? I was so worried. What would I do if I didn’t find you?”

In fact, everyone knows that the mother loves her child, but the child doesn’t feel it. I often share an example during lectures to express love. When I was young, my father ordered a drink, but because money was tight, he asked the waiter to bring an extra cup after ordering one hot drink. He kept pouring the drink back and forth in front of me, trying to cool it down quickly so that the child wouldn’t burn his mouth and could drink it faster. But I found that when children ask their parents or when I asked many students’ parents, they would answer, “This will make it cool faster.”

When responding to children, parents should express their feelings at the deepest level: “I love you; why would I do this if I didn’t love you? Am I doing it for someone else? For another child? So in fact, there are many things in our lives that can express love, but there is one thing that must be remembered. If you are afraid of being overindulgent, remember the following two points:

First, if the child can do something, let them do it. You should not fight to do it. Second, when the child makes a mistake, we should correct them. In the process of correction, try to be gentle and firm. When seriousness is needed, be serious. But remind the child to say the solution, not just say no or that it’s wrong. Otherwise, the child will not progress.

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Why do children have a perfectionist personality?

Why do children have a perfectionist personality?

Source : Psychiatrist, Dr. Hui Long Kit 

 

Perfectionistic children may have autism spectrum disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder. In fact, perfectionism often stems from a child’s own high demands on themselves to do everything perfectly. When they cannot achieve perfection, they often blame themselves. For some children, when they score 99 out of 100 on an exam, they may cry endlessly at home because they are so worried about the one point they missed.

 

However, sometimes perfectionistic thinking does not come from the child, but rather from the parents. For example, if a child scores 99 out of 100, have you as a parent ever asked them, “Why didn’t you get 100 points?” If you say this, you are actually adding some perfectionistic elements to the child’s thinking. Children’s psychology is easily influenced by adults. If adults demand perfection in everything, children often internalize this pressure and turn it into self-demands. As a result, they may feel anxious when they cannot do what they want to do.

 

What are the consequences of anxiety? Anxiety can lead to chronic insomnia, extreme nervousness, frequent visits to the restroom, skin picking, rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, trembling hands, and even a fear of going to school. Children may think, “What should I do? I missed one point. I threw away the notice. The teacher will scold me tomorrow. I don’t want to go to school.” These are common situations for perfectionistic children, not just those with anxiety disorders. Many children may also develop depression.

Because they are unable to meet the demands of parents or teachers for a long time, they often cry, feel unhappy, and may even have suicidal thoughts. So how should parents deal with children who have perfectionism?

 

First, you need to be aware of the problem. Don’t assume that a child who is diligent and looks like a good student has no problems. The more obedient the student, the more careful you need to be to see if their demands on themselves are too high.

 

Second, parents should be aware of themselves. Are you perfect? Did you do everything perfectly when you were young? Do you do everything well every day? Do you do everything perfectly at work? Has your boss ever criticized you for not doing a good job? If you can’t even achieve perfection yourself, why do you expect your child to do so?

Third, you should pay attention to whether a child with perfectionism has symptoms of anxiety and depression. If, as stated above ,the child has trouble sleeping, shakes, has a fast heartbeat, sweats, picks at their skin, goes to the bathroom frequently, or has negative thoughts or even suicidal ideas, then you must take them to see a doctor. If anxiety and depression worsen, the consequences can be very serious.

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食早餐較聰明 甚麼早餐可以「醒腦醒晨」？

system

撰文：家營營養中心創辦人　資深營養師　吳耀芬

 

開學了，小朋友上學前有沒有吃早餐呢？很多小朋友有不同的原因，養成了不吃早餐的習慣，但是各位家長要留意，原來早餐對小朋友的成長有很大的影響呢！

 

早前中文大學的研究顯示，原來早餐對學生的學業成績有重大影響。有每天吃早餐習慣的學生，考試成績較一般沒有吃早餐的學生高出5分之多。為甚麼吃早餐會令我們更聰明呢？

 

由於腦部需要血糖作為營養的吸收和消耗，但當我們的身體整晚處於沒有食物的狀態下入睡，身體已消耗了我們一整天的血糖。所以，我們更需要進食早餐以補充血糖，令我們的反應變得較快。家長可能會問，有甚麼早餐比較適合小朋友？

甚麼早餐可以「醒腦醒晨」？

  • 澱粉質的食物

包括粥、粉、麵、飯、麵包和餅乾等，所以我們可以吃一件三文治、一碗通粉或米粉也可以；甚至飲牛奶、吃燕麥片或粟米片也沒有問題。

  • 補充蛋白質

由於蛋白質本身也可以讓我們的反應會快一點，例如雞絲含豐富的蛋白質，所以早餐可以選擇一碗雞絲湯米粉或雞絲湯通粉，或吃一份芝士蛋三文治，也可以幫助我們補充一天的需要。所以各位家長記得提醒小朋友，要吃了早餐才上學了！

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小朋友扭計瞓地 
要如何處理？

system

撰文：精神科專科許龍杰醫生

 

很多家長都試過有這樣的經驗：帶小朋友出外遊玩，原本一家人心情愉快，小朋友也玩得盡興。但突然之間，小朋友提出一些無理要求（如看見玩具要買），家長不容許，小朋友就即時變臉，哭哭啼啼。當家長嚴厲訓斥，小朋友卻變本加厲，不但哭鬧得更大聲，更扭盡六壬，蹬腳瞓地，引來街上途人注目（甚至可能懷疑你在虐兒）。家長無計可施，唯有極盡安撫，甚至舉手投降，買下玩具給小朋友，希望平息風波。最後，小朋友一但要求得逞，玩具還未到手，便已經破涕為笑，之前的哭鬧一掃而空，令家長哭笑不得。


可是，家長有沒有留意，假如這些「因扭計壓力而妥協」的情況出現的次數愈多，小朋友的哭鬧次數卻會不減反增？這是由於一個心理學現象 － 「正向增強現象」(Positive Reinforcement) 的後果。所謂「正向增強現象」，意思是當對方出現一個行為之後，假如即時給予對方獎勵，那個行為便會再次出現。當獎勵愈多，行為重複出現的機會也愈高。

套用在剛才的例子上，假如小朋友哭鬧不止，在他情緒最激動之時，假如大人滿足了他的無理要求（如買玩具），這便等於獎勵了他哭鬧的行為，以後當小朋友有其他不合理的要求，便會更傾向用哭鬧的手段來達到目的。另外，一般小朋友都希望得到父母的愛和關注，假如父母平時愛理不理，但小朋友一哭鬧，父母便立時緊張萬分，因為即使打罵也是關注的一種，久而久之，小朋友便會傾向以哭鬧，作為吸引父母注意的手段。

 

所以，家長要適當處理小朋友的哭鬧，首要的事是父母要保持溫和的態度，但同時要堅持原則，不可以輕易妥協，特別是不能因為小朋友持續哭鬧，就最終屈服而滿足要求。假如父母無法控制場面，可以嘗試減少對小朋友的注意，如移開眼神接觸、木無表情或不與小朋友說話等。另外，假如哭鬧的場所是在家中發生，家長可以帶小朋友到一個寧靜的角落，切斷所有對小朋友的關注，讓小朋友慢慢冷靜下來，再對他慢慢說清楚問題所在。

當然，更重要的是當小朋友行為良好，沒有哭鬧之時，要不時給予小朋友適當的關注，讓小朋友有安全感，不會用大吵大鬧作為「籌碼」，來爭取父母的愛，這才是治本之道。

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